Expansion can seem graceless. I get messages every day from friends who are irritated. And I won’t lie, my “good girl” gets her bloomers in a bunch. She feels like she needs to write everyone back in 5 minutes “or else!”
The reality is though, that igniting a vision demands presence. I’ve been in front of the computer up to 12 hours a day. Doing sessions. Networking. Trying to figure out how to automate things without being the tiniest bit ingenuine. Wondering why my laptop is going to sad face blue screen and shutting down at random. And well, eating Doritoes, drinking beer, and telling myself in 3 minutes I’ll write something profound.
The other day someone compared me to a Buddhist monk who drank, created problems, and didn’t give a shit. I was told that my blatant humanity made me “relatable.”
Well, I &*%^&*# hope so!
I have been trying to convey the message that you can be fully orgasmic, alive, wise, and also spend copious amount of time in your pajamas wondering what the fuck you are doing. That you can lean on inconvenient things while you are learning to walk in your spiritual big girl shoes, and not be less than.
Nothing is one way. That’s why I like Tantra. People meditate in a graveyard. And for good reason. This moment is important. Beautiful. Terrible. And transitory. You can be an A++ lover through some course and you will still be on your deathbed later, faced with whether or not you used your life thoroughly. You won’t give a shit then if you were fat. Or had a tiny penis. You will think about that ache that woke you up at night with indigestion.
Our body always tells the truth.
I write these things with no idea where they are going. Maybe you are reading this on the toilet. I’ll bet the next post has a cute picture of a cat or a baby. Perhaps it’s interesting but safe watching this invitation from a screen. Or maybe you’re smoldering. Tossing in bed at night, wondering if and where you fit. If so, I hope this gives you relief. I’m here for you.
Regardless, I want to remind you that there is no right time to come out. You don’t earn enlightenment by perfecting your language. Or being flawless. Even at your best, you will definitely become a three year old here and there. You’re a s/hero for showing up. Keeping your sweaty bum in the seat when you’re embarrassed. And giving yourself breaks.
It’s not just ok for you to be human. It’s mandatory. If you hold yourself accountable to anything else, they might send you to a psych ward.