When I think back to where I was before I started working with Isis, I remember an overwhelming sense of deficiency. I didn’t feel nourished by my family or friends and I felt completely unequipped to remedy the situation. My support system and social circle were anemic, leaving me weak and frigid. Isis was an incredible source of warmth and nourishment, and the environment she created for the Feral Females was a powerful incubator.
During our time together I started dating again, something I had been unwilling/unable to do for the better part of 5 years. I found support and a sense of community during a global pandemic. I leaned on those around me and asked for the assistance I needed to stay safe and get supplies while immunocompromised. I finally saw how emotionally starved I was growing up, and how this trauma of neglect shaped my future relationships with myself and others. I practiced asking for things and allowed myself to feel my needs and express them to those around me.
Through “home-play” assignments I creatively examined and worked through problems, and had the pleasure of witnessing others do the same. Describing my body as if I were an artist and telling my “Shero’s Journey” were two of my favorite exercises that helped me to shift my perspective on things that were previously sources of great shame. Receiving feedback and praise for those things was very healing and transformative. I think the most profound realization for me through this process was that even though I had a deficiency in my life, I was not inherently deficient. This distinction was revolutionary. It freed me from years of self-blame and shame and allowed me to see this was something I could treat, rather than an incurable condition I was doomed to suffer through.
Working with Isis and my fellow Feral Females fed my soul and helped to mend old wounds. They helped me to be vulnerable and honest, which enabled me to connect more authentically with those around me. With the guidance of Isis and the support of others in the group, I was able to challenge long-held beliefs, confront uncomfortable truths about myself and those around me, and learn to trust that others could hold me. Even though our time as a group has come to a close, I still feel the strength and support of those women behind me and I carry the lessons I learned and the victories I gained with me always.